3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
