I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
