Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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