38 yer olds are good kisserssss
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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