Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize