So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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