take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
