he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just blew my weed a kiss
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
