Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
