The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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