DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
