i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
