I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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