maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
