why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
