oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
