I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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