i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
