Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
