I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
