pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
