bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
