I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
