i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
