Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize