You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
