I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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