Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
