did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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