Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
