You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
