i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Houston, we have a squirter
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
