So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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