just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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