He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
