I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
