so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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