my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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