If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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