who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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