Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize