I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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