I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
