I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
