If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
