Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
