Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
