Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
bring money and cleavage
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
