I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
kristin has been a bad kristin
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
