They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
MIDGETS
????
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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