he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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