I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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