note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
