I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
