I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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