The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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