Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
