Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
