You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
