I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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