he puts the penis in happiness.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
