Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
