When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
