True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
