thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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