the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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