I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
